Just a little thing I wrote...

"I'll help you.", he said.

We did the dishes together in silence, with Buck asleep at our feet. He dried the last dish and set it on the rack and then led me down the hall, holding my hand a bit too tight. The distance from the hallway to his bedroom door seemed to take as twice as long. We both knew that goodbye was just a few hours away. 

He didn't even try to pretend not to watch this time as I changed into one of his T-shirts for bed. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the blanket, waiting for me to join him. 

Once I did, Sam flipped off the lamp, and then pulled me against him without permission or apology. He tensed his arms and sighed, and I nested my face into his neck. I shut my eyes tight, trying to savor the moment. I knew I would wish for that moment back every day of my life, so I lived it with everything I had. 

He looked out the window. The trees cast a shadow across his face. Sam clenched his eyes shut, and a sinking feeling settled over me. It was agonizing to see him suffer, knowing that not only was I the cause of it... I was the only one that could take it away.

"Sam? Are you okay?" I asked.

There was a long pause before he finally spoke. "I've never been less okay in my life."

I pressed my forehead against his neck, and he squeezed me tighter. "This is silly," I said. "We're going to see each other every day." 

"You know that's not true."

The weight of the grief we both felt was crushing, and an irrepressible need came over me to save us both. I lifted my chin, but hesitated; what I was about to do would change everything. I reasoned that Sam didn't see intimacy as anything but a way to pass the time, and I shut my eyes again and swallowed back my fears. I had to do something, knowing we would both lie awake, dreading every passing minute until morning. 

My heart pounded as I touched his neck with my lips and then tasted his flesh in a slow, tender kiss. He looked down with surprise, and then his eyes softened with the realization of what I wanted. 

He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine with a delicate sweetness. The warmth from his lips traveled all the way through me, and I pulled him closer to me. Now that we had taken the first step, I had no intention of stopping here.